Another 101 Things about Celebrate Woo-Woo...
2. My divorce from IFKAMH was final on 1/19/2006.
3. I celebrated that night with a ladies' night at Club Paris.
4. I miss FL a lot.
5. I hate living in cold weather.
6. VA is not cold to those that live in more northern states, but to me, it gets too cold.
7. I spent over 6 months trying to find a job that I thought was right for me.
8. I took a position as a veterinary receptionist a few weeks after I moved here.
9. My boys got sick, and then I got sick, and animal hospital was not very understanding.
10. I quit because I cannot work in an environment that expects me to not take time off when I'm contagiously ill and required to deal with people throughout the day.
11. I then started a telemarketing job about 6 weeks after leaving the receptionist gig.
12. I quit after a week and a half because I just couldn't see making a liveable wage there.
13. I would have had to sell $4000 worth of ads every week to make the amount of money I needed to make to live.
14. It didn't seem likely based on what I was experiencing nor from what I saw on the sales boards.
15. I wasted a few months of job-hunting time trying to get a position with Verizon.
16. The job was recommended to me by an acquaintance whose daughter works there.
17. They had me taking a battery of tests over the span of about 6 weeks.
18. Then took months to call me for an interview.
19. The acquaintance kept telling me to just be patient because they really needed people.
20. She even told me that I should be in the next training class at one point.
21. I had to reschedule my interview appointment after a trying return from FL following my divorce.
22. And although they said it was lack of experience that caused them to reject me, I am fairly certain it was the rescheduled interview.
23. I say that because the night before I got the rejection call, I got a call from the acquaintance saying I shouldn't have cancelled the interview.
24. I explained to her the same thing I'd told the interviewer about having to reschedule the interview, not cancel.
25. I know that close-minded attitude was a sign that I would never have been happy working there.
26. I am now employed as an instructional designer.
27. I have been there for just over a month.
28. I have already become known as "the girl with the shoes" because of my vast array of shoes.
29. And I am quickly gaining a reputation for a unique and numerous purse collection as well;>
30. It is the kind of job I am very comfortable doing.
31. I create and update training materials.
32. We are assigned projects that need training materials created or updated and then complete them at our own pace working towards a deadline.
33. It is a low-stress, independent position.
34. I still plan to enroll in an online university very soon to major in Information Systems, with a focus on networks.
35. With that degree I hope to get a job making enough money so that I can "retire" somewhere between 40-45 years old.
36. I say "retire", but I really just want to open a whale-watching tour business at that point in time...I'm just hoping to not have to care about it making a ton of money.
37. Even though I no longer want to be a marine biologist, I still love all things ocean-related.
38. I went to the Aquarium here while I was still unemployed, and I had such a wonderful time and was so disappointed that I got there too late to see the Whales IMAX movie.
39. I have a lot to learn before starting that tour business.
40. I need to learn to operate a boat.
41. Even if I end up having someone else to do it for me, there's always that chance that something could happen and it would be left to me to get the tour group back to shore.
42. I need to decide where I'm going to have this business and learn what types of whales they have there.
43. Then I need to become an expert on those whales.
44. Although I would love nothing more than to be an orca guide, their densely populated areas are cold, and that isn't going to make me happy.
45. I could see myself staying in this part of VA or moving farther south to one of the Carolinas or to a Gulf state, like Texas...sorry, no Georgia in there, just not enough ocean.
46. I'd say my preference would be those Gulf states, but I don't know how many whales make it up there.
47. My best bet for Gulf states would probably be southwest FL, which sounds devine to me, but I fear it is not affordable enough for my lofty dreams;>
48. NS, my boyfriend, knows all about my lofty dreams.
49. He thought it was very random when I told him about it.
50. We have been dating for over 5 months.
51. It sounds like a longer time than it feels to me.
52. It now shocks me that IFKAMH and I started living together after 6 months of dating, especially when I realize those six months were basically monthly dates with daily phone conversations.
53. I feel very comfortable having NS in my life, and I don't see myself wanting to get rid of him.
54. But I am very afraid of making any important commitment decisions about him...I'm rather fond of the "go with the flow" way things have developed so far;>
55. I may have to bite that bullet pretty soon, I think.
56. He's planning to transfer to South Carolina as early as next year.
57. That means I need to figure out where we stand before then.
58. I figure I'll start prying for answers after I've met his parents in July.
59. It seems unlikely that he'll say that our relationship will end when he moves. Why bother with the introduction to his parents if he's planning to not be dating me after he transfers?
60. He'd be hard to replace, I'm sure.
61. He's spoiled me.
62. While the fact that he treats me differently from every other guy I've met makes me like him so much, it also scares me because I wonder if he'll change.
63. That fear of men changing is what gives me my commitment phobia now.
64. Most people, including myself, thought that IFKAMH and I would be together forever.
65. But he turned out to be a completely different person than we all thought he was.
66. I wish I could figure out some way to keep him from being involved in my boys' lives.
67. I sort of wonder if that really makes me a good mother for trying to protect them or a bad one for preventing them from having a relationship with their father.
68. I do feel that his continued absence would be what is best for them in the long run.
69. He is in no way a good male role model for my boys to look up to.
70. That is why I have tried to encourage him to be a good father to his new daughter, my sons' half-sister, since he's basically been given a do-over with her.
71. The fact that he seems so indifferent to her, at least when he talks to me, and that he's trying to abandon her makes me incredibly angry.
72. He wants to leave her behind because he's just not happy where he is...how familiar does that sound?!?
73. It seems to me that he is too old to be so concerned with his own happiness over the well-being of his children.
74. I guess that unwaivering selfishness is the major reason I feel he shouldn't be involved as a father-figure for my boys.
75. I also really feel he owes that little baby girl a father.
76. I know what it's like to not have a father in my life.
77. The only man in my life that I considered to be my father was not a good one and was only a presence in my life for about 5 years, 6 at best.
78. I am almost able to share my "father-daughter experiences" with close friends.
79. I don't know why the details are such a secret for me.
80. I feel bad that my mom doesn't know what happened.
81. I don't feel like I should tell her at this point in time, though.
82. I think she may very well be capable of killing him if she were to know what he did to me, and that would solve nothing and would ruin her life.
83. I know that others have been through similar experiences, many of whom have much worse experiences.
84. Information shared on my twoboys4me blog about that time in my life has been a huge step forward for me.
85. But I still can't admit much more than I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child and that introduction to sexuality at the age of 7 led to issues later in life.
86. Most of those issues I never truly came to grips with or began to understand until I started dating as an adult.
87. And then again, I know at least some of my issues stem from the non-consensual sex incident I had when I was 17.
88. I wonder how different a person I would be if I didn't have those experiences from my past.
89. But that doesn't mean I would change my past...because I actually like the person I am.
90. I really hope that my children will be better men than their father has turned out to be.
91. Most of me believes that they can be, but part of me still wonders if there is something in their genetic makeup that can't be stopped.
92. That is because IFKAMH's father did exactly what IFKAMH has done.
93. I hold on to the hope that my faith in their ability to be better will not disappoint me one day.
94. If it did, I feel my faith in other things might falter as a result.
95. Because although I am no longer a religious person, I still feel very spiritual and believe in a higher power and a purpose in life.
96. And one of the major reasons I felt I was given two boys to raise was to put two good men on this earth when there have been so many bad ones in my life.
97. I guess I am really afraid of failing them.
98. I think that statement just helped me realize why IFKAMH's mom is so personally disappointed in what he's done.
99. I'm going to try to lighten this up now...I didn't think I was going to get into anything so heavy when I started this.
100. My favorite food is Mexican. It almost always sounds like a good idea to me;>
101. I am a sugar-addict. Sweet tea, cookies, candy...love it all and definitely have self-control issues with it;>